June 1, 2023

Prepare for divorce

In the 12th year of marriage, Khanh Trang discovered that her husband made a girl pregnant while she was also pregnant and the company went bankrupt.

“Frustrated but failed in business, I don’t want to lose my family,” said Nguyen Thi Khanh Trang, 41 years old, from Nha Trang about the incident with her marriage in 2013.

So when she asked for a divorce, her husband didn’t agree, and she went along. Trang gave birth in the middle of the year, the other girl gave birth early next year. She controls so that her husband is no longer connected with the other. But once holding his phone, she discovered that the whole husband’s family was quietly taking care of the girl’s mother and daughter. “They called each other parents. At that moment, I knew there was no reason to continue living with him anymore. I began to prepare for a divorce,” she recalls.

Not angry, not trying to track what her husband does, who goes with her, she focuses on work to earn money. Khanh Trang determined that if she divorces, the immediate challenges are still very long and arduous, so the most important thing is internal strength and inner peace.

“I also learned not to rely on him anymore. If I asked him to pick me up in the past, he said I would get angry when he was busy, but now I happily accept,” she said. Every day, Khanh Trang takes care of food and water for her husband and children, helping her husband in the household economy as before and doing.

Khanh Trang is happy with her children, despite the divorce. Photo provided by the character

Before the official talk with her husband, she called her two children, one in grade 2, and one in kindergarten, to talk. Holding four dolls, she told the children: “The two big dolls are close, but now one doesn’t like the other anymore, so they separate. The two big dolls have two dolls. children. Even if they live alone, they still love the little doll as usual.”

The children burst into tears. I love you, but I know it’s the right thing to do and will cause the least damage to your child. “I’m always closer to the truth when I say it directly, than I listen to my parents’ stories from outsiders. Who knows, they fabricate bad things,” she said.

On the occasion of the holiday of April 30, 2019, Khanh Trang took her children to her mother’s hometown in Nha Trang. She talked to her husband and told him to stay behind to pack up because she didn’t want her children to witness this scene. “He was very surprised, but I didn’t care. I listened to me and felt at ease, ready for a new life,” she confided.

Dr. Tran Tuyet Anh, Director of Family Affairs (Ministry of Culture, Sports and Tourism) highly appreciates women who are prepared for divorce like Ms. Khanh Trang. “That shows the initiative and independence of women, helping them to be psychologically and financially stable when entering a life without a husband by their side,” Anh said.

In the survey of VnExpress With nearly 650 readers, 67% of readers support Ms. Tuyet Anh’s point of view, saying that women need to prepare financially and psychologically… before divorce to be ready to enter an independent life. difficulties ahead. Meanwhile, 28% of readers said that it depends on each marriage to decide whether to divorce immediately or need time to prepare.

Journalist Hoang Anh Tu, admin of a marriage forum, said that every day, he receives dozens of articles about divorce. “Seeking advice before the divorce decision is very necessary. It shows the seriousness, not the immediate anger,” said Mr. Tu.

According to him, preparing for divorce is as important as getting married. When two people get married, it is not only the relationship of the man and the woman, but also the two families and friends. After years of living together, marriage creates countless other bonds such as property, children, relationships.

Dr. Tuyet Anh believes that in a marriage, whether short or long, women have a stability. Sudden divorce will break that stability, easily causing the wife to fall into crisis. “Not to mention, when married, they more or less share the economy and deal with risks in life. After divorce, women have to shoulder the burden alone,” she analyzed.

Ms. Nguyen Thu Hanh (28 years old, in Hanoi) said that it is impossible to predict the pressures and worries to bear after the divorce. In her anger, she was not calm enough to consider something. After a tense argument, in 2018, she wrote a divorce petition, asking her husband to sign it immediately. They went to court just over a month later, ending their student love. The daughter returned to live with Hanh, when she had no money in her hand and the shame of not having money, the marriage broke up.

Hanh tormented herself when she was lonely and stuck, so she vented her anger on her daughter. Both mother and child must see a psychologist. She looks at life full of hatred, prejudices about men and has to live on subsidies from her biological parents. “Before the divorce, I thought it was necessary to end these painful days. But after the divorce, I realized that it was just the beginning of a chain of suffering later on,” she said.

From a housewife, she had to sell goods online to earn money to support her children. She also dusted off her pedagogical degree and asked to teach again, and in the afternoon she was bruised in the market selling a bunch of vegetables. “Now, when life has settled down, I still don’t regret the divorce, but regret it for being too hasty. If I had time to prepare, perhaps I wouldn’t have scratched my body and soul so much. My child also did not suffer much damage, “she confided.

Ms. Anh said that preparing for divorce is also a time for husband and wife to have the opportunity to look back on their marriage. Maybe during that time, they realized that the intention to divorce was only due to temporary anger. They know where they are wrong, where their husband is wrong to correct or mend…

Thao Nguyen’s marriage (34 years old, Thanh Hoa) was fortunately preserved thanks to the decision to wait. Last year, when Covid-19 caused a global crisis, she and her husband both lost their jobs. In the midst of poverty, Minh Tien, her husband invested in virtual money, lost more than 50 million dong. Having no money was frustrating, now her husband is in debt, and Nguyen is depressed.

They often quarrel, feel disgusted with their partner. She wants to definitely divorce the man who “hurts his wife and children”. But I love my daughter who is just over a year old, I am unemployed, I want to wait for her to be stronger, I am more active in the economy.

But Thao Nguyen stopped thinking about divorce when Covid-19 calmed down and work returned to the couple. The economy went up, they looked at each other less hostile. She broke up her husband also because she wanted to improve the meals for her children but was in a hurry. “Having a job, he rushes from morning to night. Buying for his son a carton of milk, a new dress, his face brightens up,” she said.

Nguyen apologized for her lack of sympathy with her husband during difficult times. He also admitted that because of poverty without reason, he was in a hurry to give his family time to stand still. “The difficult economy turned us into ugly people. When we calmly looked back, we knew we were wrong and worked together to do it again”, she concluded.

The Director of Family said that before a divorce, in addition to psychology and finance, women need to improve their knowledge to develop their careers, forge skills and bravery to deal with risks and social pressures. when alone.

Journalist Hoang Anh Tu advises women to put their position in the people around them to choose the best solution. When getting a divorce, it must be civilized, voluntary and transparent, reducing the consequences.

“Give marriage the ‘right to euthanasia’, don’t make it a battleground, a way to punish your partner. Before you sign the divorce papers, make sure it’s the best option for you,” he said.

After the divorce, Khanh Trang returned to Nha Trang to live with her two children. She opened a business, gained financial and spiritual freedom. Her two children are also happy and happy even though the home is not complete. “I believe when my mother is at peace, I will be optimistic. I still believe in love and marriage, not being hurt subconsciously to have to get lost in marriage like my parents used to,” she said.

Khanh Trang always believes that there will be a man who will love her, treat her children as his own, waiting for her in the future.

Pham Nga

* Names of some characters have been changed.


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