May 28, 2022

Wife is lazy about housework


For half a month, Mr. Nguyen Hung has not been able to eat a meal at home. In the morning and at noon, the whole family ate at the restaurant, and his wife ordered food for dinner.

The meals are still full of dishes and are constantly being changed, but he still feels upset because the kitchen is cold. Last week, his grandmother sent him a chicken and some fish. Thu Hong, his wife, only paid extra for the hourly maid for processing, not touching. “Sometimes I wash dishes and chopsticks, and there are meals for the maid to wash the next morning,” the husband said.

Anh Hung, 34 years old, works for a technology company in Cau Giay (Hanoi), his wife is a middle manager at a bank. They have a four-year-old son, obedient, healthy. He is quite satisfied with the family economy, his wife knows internal and external relations. He is just sad because Hong rarely touches the housework. Everything, from picking up the children to the kitchen and cleaning, she hires people. Outside of work, she practices yoga, has coffee with her partner and friends, and hugs her children to sleep at night.

On the 28th of Tet, the couple returned to their grandfather’s house in Quang Binh, but Ms. Hong still hugged the computer all day. Hung called his wife to pick up the chicken so that he could cut the period and clean the house for the New Year atmosphere, but Hong refused, saying that he needed to handle a lot of work. “If you and your parents can’t clean it, I’ll hire someone,” the wife replied, making her husband brood.

The story of the Hung’s family can be easily found in many young families. People like his wife are what psychologists and marriage experts call “the laziness of smart women”. “If an hour of work generates income for the whole family, much higher than an hour of cleaning, they leave the cleaning work to someone else to have time to rest, take care of themselves, chat with their husbands, child… why not?”, psychologist Tran Kim Thanh, Director of Coaching Happiness Center, author of “5 Simple Steps to a Perfect Relationship“, explained.

But husbands are rarely satisfied with their wives. Master of psychology Nguyen Thi Tam (HCMC) said that most men want their wives to do housework and take care of their children by themselves, but if they tell their husbands to do it, “100 men, 99 men are afraid”. “Modern women participate in the social labor force. If they are forced to both work and take care of the housework, how can they have the strength,” said Ms. Tam.

Tam’s comments coincide with the research results Masculinity and masculinity in an integrated Vietnam, based on a survey of more than 2,500 men, 2020, by the Institute for Research and Social Development (ISDS). 95% of men think that doing housework is helping women. Nearly 83% of men think women should suffer and make sacrifices to keep their families happy.

In essence, these notions reinforce men’s superiority and privilege over women, limit women’s opportunities to advance economic autonomy, and justify discrimination on the ground. gender basis at work as well as in the family and in society,” the study found.

Ms. Thu Hong said that the pressure in the banking industry is hourly and daily. Towards the end of the year, she compensates for contracts that are due to expire, debt checks… Despite being on Tet holiday, she still has to handle some work online.

“My salary a day can hire three helpers to work for a whole month, why do I have to bend my back to do manual work that I am not familiar with and do not meet the requirements of professional work,” she explained.

In the new years of marriage, Hong complied with her husband’s wishes. Every morning, wake up at 5 am to take care of the market, prepare food, and rush to pick up the children, rice and water in the evening. On New Year’s Eve, she turned on the phone very loudly, was cleaning the house, and left to handle the work. “I’m exhausted,” she said, and decided to “wake up” on the advice of a colleague.

Her husband and her husband argued many times about this, but Mr. Hung still believed that she shirked responsibility and did not nurture her family. “In my husband’s hometown, I was always criticized for being lazy, but I didn’t care,” she said. This is the source of quarrels in the family.

According to psychology master Nguyen Thi Tam, there are still some women who are lazy, have enough time and ability but do not want to do housework, the rest are mostly because they are too busy with outside work. “Today, parents also educate their daughters to work hard to build a career. They value education more than housework, so adult women no longer force themselves into the kitchen,” she said. .

Vong Phoi (29 years old, from Bien Hoa, Dong Nai) is an example. She is the only daughter in the family but has been earning money since she was 17 years old. Her mother devoted herself to doing all the housework so that Vong Phoi could invest time in her studies and career development. When in love, she frankly told her boyfriend “didn’t know and didn’t want to do housework”. Her lover considers it a normal thing, when there is enough money to hire a maid.

But for 7 years in a row, her boyfriend’s mother did not support their love story because she saw that Pho “cannot do anything in the house”. After two years of being a bride, Vong Phoi hired more helpers to help with the housework because she had to go at night. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is therefore not improved. “I asked my mother, but she didn’t bother to say anything. But her father-in-law told me to take care of the economy and have money to hire help,” she said.

Three months after giving birth, Vong Phoi stopped breastfeeding the baby. She asked her mother to take care of her child day and night.

Round Coordination during a trip to Nha Trang, 2018. Character photo provided

Psychologist Kim Thanh said that Vong Phoi hiring a maid to help with housework is not to blame. But as a mother of young children, she should balance her time to take better care of her children, and at the same time discuss with her husband about decisions related to child rearing.

Ms. Thanh believes that society will gradually accept the trend that women do less housework than before, when they become an economic force in the family and society. But if women like Ms. Thu Hong or Vong Pho know how to do less housework, but still ensure to teach children, care for husbands, relatives, … then that laziness brings more benefits and happiness to them. self, family and society.

Vong Phoi had the opportunity to nurture the family when temporarily had to stay at home due to a strong Covid-19 outbreak in Ho Chi Minh City last year. In her spare time, she and her husband go online to learn their favorite dishes for the whole family to enjoy. Seeing the children gather happily, the daughter-in-law learns to make delicious dishes, the mother-in-law gradually changes the way she thinks about her.

“Having me come home as a bride, my husband often comes home to have dinner, and my sisters-in-law often gather. Thanks to that, the family is closer,” said Vong Phoi. From hating her daughter-in-law to her face, her mother-in-law was as close to her as a mother and daughter.

Experts advise husband and wife to discuss, discuss and make decisions about housework. When the wife has gone to work, bringing in the family’s economy, the husband also needs to share.

ISDS research also shows that there has been a positive shift compared to the traditional division of labor. Accordingly, the younger men (18-29 years old) tend to share housework with women. Youth in urban areas (38.8%) share more housework with their wives than youth in rural areas (29.4%).

However, expert Kim Thanh suggests, in case both husband and wife are busy with work, actively find other resources and arrange work. Both husband and wife should try so that every day the whole family can eat a meal together, have time to ask questions, talk to know the other’s thoughts, feelings and difficulties, share and support each other. timely each other…

When children are grown, parents should actively share housework, reduce busyness for parents, and help children’s minds be flexible, build necessary habits, skills and qualities.

Thu Hong realized that she needed to adjust her job to have more time for her husband and children. At the same time, she wants her husband to understand and share. “The first step, I will invite my friends home, share how their husbands help their wives so that he can understand. Not having to wash a few dishes for his wife is a heavy burden,” she planned.

Pham Nga

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